The lawyers and professionals I work with are high achievers. And yet, underneath it all, there is often a persistent pressure to keep producing. To keep performing. To stay always on, always available, always doing.
What I’ve come to understand, both in my experience as a lawyer and through my work coaching attorneys, is that for many of us, this pressure is tied to our identity. We have unconsciously come to believe that our worth is tied to what we produce.
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How This Happens
Most of us didn’t arrive at this belief intentionally.
As children, many of us were praised for making the honor roll, winning competitions, earning awards. We may have been scolded or met with disappointment when we “fell short.”
Over time, we internalized the message that we are are valued for what we achieve, not for who we are.
Our legal careers often reinforce this. In law, we are rewarded, both financially and with status, for performance, high billable hours, a big book of business, a GC or partner title. The emphasis is rarely on the quality of our character, our values, our capacity for calm or compassion or creativity.
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What’s at Stake
When our identity becomes fused with our productivity and performance, we tend to overwork, feel chronically stressed, and experience guilt or anxiety when we slow down. Taking a break doesn’t feel like an option.
Research on end-of-life regrets can provide us with perspective.
The second most common regret people express is: I wish I hadn’t worked so much. And the first? I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. See The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware.
Equating our worth with our output doesn’t just contribute to burnout. It can contribute to a life that, in retrospect, didn’t feel like our own.
There is only one life you can call your own and a thousand others you can call by any name you want. – David Whyte
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A Different Way of Seeing Yourself
Consider children and elders. They aren’t concerned with productivity or performance, yet they have great worth.
Our achievements, productivity, and professional role are things we do. They are not who we are. When the work eventually falls away, we will still be ourselves. We will still have great value.
The more lightly we hold these identities, the more freedom we find and the more ease we experience when navigating transitions like a job change or retirement.
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Connecting with Your Essence
Find a childhood photo of yourself, one that captures who you were before the performance pressure began. Wild and free. Undomesticated. Before the social and cultural programming.
Gaze at that version of you and notice what you feel. Then journal:
- What did you love to do as a child?
- What made you feel alive?
- What were you like?
- What was your essence?
Then ask yourself: what from that list can you bring back into your life now?
Some of my clients have signed up for pottery class, improv, and dance. I know a lawyer who volunteers at animal shelters because she loves to play with the dogs. I have a lawyer friend who started painting in her 40s.
The invitation is to explore who you are apart from your achievements, your performance, your professional role. That beautiful essence that was so visible when you were little is still there, like the sun. It might be obscured by the clouds created by the pressure to perform and produce, but it’s always there.
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How to Shift From Less Doing to More Being
Many of my clients share that when they create more space, such as inserting buffers between meetings, taking actual breaks, and single-tasking, they show up differently. Less reactive. More present. More patient. The irony many of them notice is that stepping away from constant productivity often makes them more effective.
I understand how hard it can be to trust that it’s OK to slow down and create space. I spent years as a litigator at a large firm while raising young kids, calendar packed, always on. It took a health crisis for me to take stock and seek another way.
What helped me, and what I’ve seen help many clients, is getting curious about the part of us that keeps the drive going. A friend of mine calls it her “striver driver,” the part of us that believes it is protecting us by keeping us productive, performing, and always available. It has good intentions. But it was never meant to be in the driver’s seat, and when it is, other parts have their needs neglected, the parts that long for fun, rest, creativity, connection, and play.
When you feel the urge to stay always on, or notice resistance to being “unproductive,” try getting curious. You might ask inwardly: What are you trying to protect me from? What do you fear would happen if I slowed down?
Often, we find those fears belong to a younger version of ourselves, one who needed to perform to feel safe or loved. Once we see where these patterns came from, they often begin to loosen their grip.
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An Invitation
If you’re a busy woman lawyer, imagine what it might feel like to spend three days in the stunning red rock landscape of Sedona, and to:
✨ Connect with your inner adventurer through hiking in the red rocks
✨ Awaken the wild woman within through intuitive movement
✨ Release stuck emotions and what’s no longer serving you through Elemental Rhythm breathwork
✨ Experience full-body relaxation and nervous system regulation through nightly sound baths
✨ Gaze at the stars each night surrounded by authentic community
✨ Experience awe and wonder through forest bathing (shinrin-yoku)
✨ Enjoy healthy, delicious meals prepared by a private chef
✨ Strengthen your connection to your inner wisdom through intuitive practices
This is the Returning to Soul Sedona Women’s Retreat, October 1 to 4, 2026.
Sedona is calling. Three spots remain.
If you feel drawn to join us, we’d love to have you. Feel free to message me with any questions, or click the link to hold your spot with a $100 deposit (refundable until May 1).
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