Envy is a clue to something your soul longs for.

When you envy a person, you might not actually want what they have. Chances are you want what you think it will do for you. You believe that if you had what they have, this would meet an underlying need or desire.

Envy is a trailhead.

If we follow the trail to its source, we will discover what we long for. From there, we can gain clarity and take action to meet our own needs or bring our desires into reality.

Last week, a lawyer told me she was envious of a partner at her firm who retired early. When I invited her to explore what her envy might be revealing about what she wants, she said, “a trust fund.”

While she might have been joking, I hear some version of this often. Lawyers have told me if they just had a trust fund, or if they could just marry rich or just win the lottery, it would solve their problems. Then, they could leave the high-paying jobs they dislike.

Look, I get it.

In 2020, when most law offices were closed, I worked from home as a full-time litigator, doing work I didn’t enjoy.

My home office looked out over my neighbor’s pool. My neighbor had “married rich” and didn’t work. When she wasn’t having lunch with a friend or at pilates or the salon, she often lounged by her pool.

To say I felt envy is an understatement.

I longed for her life.

Or so I thought.

Her life represented something I lacked and wanted at the time: a slower, more spacious existence.

I didn’t actually want her life.

Here’s what I learned:

When our work and life are out of alignment with our true nature, we often have misplaced envy.

We assume we want what we see on the surface. But if we bring curiosity to our envy, we may discover something deeper. An unmet need. An authentic desire guiding us toward our highest path.

When we feel stuck or unfulfilled in our career, believing that a financial windfall will solve our problems is a trap. This belief–that our rescuer is outside ourselves–is a prison.

I know because I lived like this for years. This belief creates an enormous amount of inner turmoil and keeps us from taking action.

When we believe this, we miss out on the opportunity to develop trust in ourselves and grow. We miss out on developing the self-efficacy that is the source of authentic confidence.

When we use envy as an opportunity to do a “you-turn” (h/t Dick Schwartz), bringing a compassionate curiosity to our experience of envy, we get to know ourselves on a deeper level.

We can then ask:

• What unmet need or desire does this envy represent?
• What am I longing for?
• What am I going to do in response to this envy?
• What will I change?
• What choices will I now make?
• What do I need to let go of to make these new choices possible?

When these choices require us to face and overcome our fears, we grow in courage.

When these choices require us to develop new skills, we increase our resourcefulness.

When these choices require us to be with the discomfort of stepping into the unknown, we expand our capacity for healthy risk-taking.

Envy can be a doorway to transformation and growth. It was–and continues to be–for me.

When has envy been a catalyst for growth in your career or life?