In your career, are you driven by true motivation or something else?

Physician, author, and trauma specialist Gabor Maté defines “true motivation” as:

“Knowing that I do what I do not because someone else wants me to do it, or because I believe someone will respect or like me for doing it, not because some inner voice tells me I ‘should’ do it, and not because I am asserting my independence by defying someone who forbade me to do it. What I do satisfies me, regardless of what others may think. As long as I am not deliberately injuring someone else, knowingly causing them harm, I will honor my preferences and inclinations, even if others will feel disappointed in me.”

When our motivation comes from our true self, our work aligns with our “preferences and inclinations,” and we experience our work as satisfying. We aren’t concerned about what others may think because we are deeply satisfied and have confidence that our work aligns with who we are. Our work feels meaningful to us, and that’s what matters.

When our motivation comes from something other than our true self, we tend to make career choices based on one or more of the following:

• To please or appease others
• To earn respect or approval
• To gain a sense of belonging
• To appease the inner voice telling us what we “should” do
• To prove to others that we can do it

These forms of motivation lead us away from work that aligns with our natural preferences and inclinations. We end up unfulfilled and dissatisfied.

spacer

A Simple Test

Consider the work you do each day. Does it interest you? Does it feel meaningful? Does it align with your preferences and inclinations? Does it satisfy you? Not the title or the paycheck, but the work itself. The way you spend most of your waking hours.

Rewards like earning a bonus or promotion provide short-term satisfaction. They feel good in the moment but don’t provide the lasting fulfillment that comes from doing work you’re genuinely drawn to.

spacer

Why So Many of Us Are Disconnected From Our Own Motivation

As a career coach and purpose guide, I’ve worked with attorneys and other professionals in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. Many of them feel they cannot make the career choices they long to make because they are afraid of disappointing others.

• A 55-year-old successful in-house lawyer whose primary motivation for pursuing a General Counsel title was to impress his parents.
• A woman in her 50s who wants to leave law but fears letting her father down.
• A woman in her late 20s who only became a lawyer because her mother, who immigrated to America as an adult, wanted to be a lawyer but couldn’t pass the bar exam.

I frequently see some version of this – high-achieving people who became or remain a lawyer or a certain type of lawyer for reasons other than true motivation.

Research shows that when we grow up feeling unconditionally loved and accepted simply for existing, not for what we achieve, we feel safe enough to explore the world. We feel safe enough to discover what genuinely interests us. We feel safe enough to follow our true motivation. When that sense of security and unconditional acceptance is lacking, we look outward. We begin to measure our worth by what others think of us.

It does not require significant trauma for this to happen. It can happen when parents had high expectations that did not align with a child’s natural gifts. It can happen when parents were distracted by economic pressures or other forms of stress, including marital conflict. It can happen when a parent struggled with depression. It can happen when a child was praised and rewarded heavily for achievement, which sends the message that you are valued for what you do, not for who you are.

Gabor Maté says a child raised in these circumstances may grow up struggling to experience the joy of acting from her own free choice. Her self-esteem will hinge on what she does, not on who she is. Even if she succeeds in the eyes of others, she will be mercilessly self-critical.

spacer

This is Not About Blame

Talking about childhood is not about blaming our parents. They, too, were shaped by what they received or did not receive in childhood. And all of us are shaped by social and cultural norms and pressures that often take us away from what is needed for optimal human thriving.

This discussion is about bringing awareness to what is driving us as adults, and why we may not feel fulfilled in our career.

When we understand where these patterns came from, we can recognize that they may have protected us once. They may have helped us survive in certain environments. We can honor them for how they served us at some point and choose to let them go. We can begin the work of getting to know and honor our true preferences, values, and desires.

If this resonates with you, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. And if you are ready to explore what true motivation looks like in your own career, download my free Career Alignment Map.